Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Simply Proud and Amazed

Well, I spent 30 minutes the other evening posting a blog update and it somehow got lost in blog world. So, we'll try this again.

We finally made it to 30 weeks! Praise the Lord. We saw our specialist on Monday and learned our itty, bitty (or so we thought) girl weighs a HUGE 4 lbs. 2 oz. She is measuring in the 73% for her gestational age, measuring at 31 weeks and 5 days. She does, however, have her daddy's trademark head, which measured at 33 weeks and 4 days. She was sticking her tongue out at us! Guess she thinks she is funny. We had a complete anatomy scan and everything looks fantastic.

My specialist will continue to conduct the FFN test every two weeks. I have had 3 and all have been negative. However, due to the significant changes in both my funneling and my cervix, he had me promise last week I would agree to be readmitted if I got a positive. Once again, prayers answered. My FFN this week was NEGATIVE. Appears our little girl has decided to settle in for a while longer. She continues to leave my doctors and nurses speechless and at a loss for an explanation as to why I have not delivered her yet. My only response...PRAYER and FAITH!!!

I received a second round of steroid injections for her lungs yesterday and today as well as my weekly 17P injection. No, three shots are not fun, but boy, are they worth it knowing they are for her benefit.

So, that brings us to "The Plan"...if one even exist with this little girl. I will be 36 weeks the Monday after Thanksgiving. I will then be admitted to Labor and Delivery for stitch removal. Considering I am at nearly 3 cm dilated now, both doctors believe I should go pretty quick once the stitch is cut. However, 1 in 4 women will form scar tissue due to the length of time the stitch has been in (for me an eternity) resulting in a c-section or forced dilation. We are prayerful we can avoid a c-section, but as we have done from the beginning, we will trust in God's plan and God's plan alone. Our goal is to get Elizabeth Grace her as safely as possible. So it would appear, she may just be a Thanksgiving baby.

I have written in many of my posts about the emotional roller coaster ride this journey has taken us through. Although we wouldn't change a moment of it and remain faithful and blessed for having traveled this journey, we are emotionally exhausted. We have gone from preparing ourselves for a "baby loss" to preparing for an extended NICU stay, to now the reality, we may actually bring our precious Elizabeth home from the hospital with us.

I long for the moment I see her eyes for the first time and feel her precious cheeks on mine while holding her tiny fingers. I know we'll share in the normal emotions of meeting our precious girl for the first time, however, I am overcome with emotion at what I may feel looking into her eyes knowing how close we came to losing her. She has not even arrived yet, and she has already taught you, me, my children, and my family the importance of prayer, the idea of trusting in what you cannot see or understand, and accepting only one plan, the plan of God and using that to praise Him even in the storm.

What I have learned the most is that you should not reach out to God only in your time of need. He does tell us He is there and will answer our prayers. However, we have to accept his will may not always be our will and trust in Him to answer us as only He knows what is best. These days, my prayers consist of so much thanksgiving. Of course, I always pray for protection for my children and my husband as well as peace and comfort. However, our lives have been so richly blessed by many of you in ways you may never know. How can I not be thankful and give thanks to the one who has made that happen?

If it took this journey to draw me closer to Him, realize the strength of my commitment to my husband and my children, and to reaffirm my Faith, I will raise my hand first again! I will beg and plead for Him to choose me to travel this same journey a million more times.

We still do not know what the coming weeks hold in store for us. But we do know, our prayers have been answered, and He isn't finished yet. My prayer for each of you is that you will find in your trials a sense of peace and comfort. An understanding of how to use your trials to the benefit of your growth in walking with Him. I promise, he will not give you trials without a purpose. It is up to you to choose to find that purpose and use it to grow.

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