Wondering

It has been a "busy" week and a little while since my last post. We had our weekly appointment with my specialist on Thursday. However, prior to the appointment, my nerves got the best of both me and Elizabeth. Wednesday night was very scary. I woke up in the middle of the night with about 4 contractions in a 30 minute time period around 2:00 a.m. I really think this was simply my anxiety level about the appointment. We woke up early and headed to Alpharetta. The ultrasound went well and Elizabeth still looks wonderful. However, my cervix shortened again and my specialist felt the only other place for it to go is open. The stitch is holding so that's what they focus on now, not so much the length since that's obviously worsening. The issue now will be watching the stitch and making sure it holds.

I also received three injections last week. Needless to say, I was a bit sore considering the location of all the injections and the fact that I'm on bed rest meaning all I have to do is lay on the injection sites. The steriod injections went well and I received my normal 17P injection. Although my specialist is still greatly concerned, he is comfortable with what I am doing at home as far as the bed rest is concerned.

This brings us to today. Saturday afternoon I was extremely uncomfortable. Honestly, I'm only 25 weeks pregnant, but feel like I'm at the final mark. I'm not sure if this is all her positioning, the bed rest resulting in an extreme lack of energy to even walk to the restroom, or something else. I had a terrible time sleeping Saturday night and tossed and turned much of the night. I am having a ton of pain in my lower back as well. Sunday was not much better in fact things got a bit worse. I have developed severe indigestion. Well, when you are on bed rest, and they want you sitting up as little as possible this does not make for a comfortable feeling at all. I still experience some contractions, am extremely fatigued (not sure why I don't do anything) and am coping with the indigestion as best I can.

We see both doctors on Thursday and will do the diabetes screening then. I have experienced so many different emotions over the past 7 weeks. However, for the last few weeks, I have felt good, confident, and determined. Right now, I'm more scared than I have been in weeks. I'm not sure if the bed rest and lack of exercise is catching up with me, or if Elizabeth Grace is trying to decide if she's ready to see us. I'm sure this week will bring some answers and may result in me returning to the hospital.

We remain very thankful and blessed we have made it this far and will continue to fight with all we have to make it further. The last few days have just been a bit scary and uncomfortable. We know who is in control, and continue to trust in Him. Please continue to pray for our Elizabeth Grace, God's will, and the comfort we need to remain relaxed and focused on her.

God is still so present in our lives. I logged on to Facebook last night only to find where a long time friend's son had song a duet in church yesterday. She uploaded it to YouTube and posted it on Facebook. The song was "Blessings". I first heard this song after a friend lost her precious baby girl in May and mentioned it in her blog. As I was feeling so weak and scared last night, what a powerful reminder that God was right there with me. I listened to it and cried as I let Elizabeth listen as well. If you haven't heard it, I encourage you to listen. The lyrics are below:

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace. Comfort for family, protection while we sleep. We pray for healing, for prosperity. We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering. All the while You hear each spoken need; Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things.

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near? What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear. We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near. We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love; As if every promise from Your Word is not enough. And all the while You hear each desperate plea. And long that we'd have faith to believe.

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears? And what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near? And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win. We know that pain reminds this heart that this is not, this is not our home.

What if my greatest disappointments, or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy?

And what if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are Your mercies in disguise?


Our trials are blessings if we choose to see them for just that. I've had lots of sleepless nights, feelings of lonliness, and many storms. However, I have never once felt abandoned by my God nor forsaken. May you find the many blessings you have been given even when you feel there are none to be seen. I promise there are many.